"I
go by the moniker of Jonny Fairplay... I don't play fair." -
Jon Dalton
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Who is Jon Dalton, and why do we love him so much?  He
is a contestant on the Survivor: Pearl Islands. And like Ted Dibase,
we hope he ends up being the Million Dollar Man.Survivor Pearl Islands Website  His favorite TV shows are WWE Smackdown and Raw. Although I would venture to say, like everyone else, he thinks Raw sucks these days. WWE's Official Website  His
favorite publication is the fantastic Pro Wrestling Torch
Newsletter. I hear Jim Cornette is very passionate about The Torch too!Pro Wrestling Torch Website  He also used to be a part of Portland Organic Wrestling which seems to be some drugged out, fringe of society, nightmare version of 'real' wrestling. POW's Official Website  Jonnyboy used to work as a production assistant for the deranged whacko Rowdy Roddy Piper. Roddy Piper's Official Website  For news on Jon and the others, Survivor Fever is the undisputed champion. Only one complaint about the site: not enough Fairplay. Survivor Fever's Pearl Islands Website  For even more news on Fairplay and the others, Survivornews.net is just as good as survivorfever. The same complaint though: not enough Fairplay. Survivornews.net's Website  For
yet even more news on Jonny, Sir Linksalot is not to be outdone.
You'll find some other curtain jerker websites about Jon, but
remember: we are the main event.Sir Linksalot's Jon Dalton Links For
more info and insights into the amazing mind of Jon Dalton, check
out his bio at the official Pearl Islands webpage.Survivor Pearl Islands Website EMAIL US: jason@gatorclaw.com "The Jonny Fairplay Survivor Tracker" is not authorized or connected with CBS or their affiliates or sponsors. |
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11/29/03 CHRIS'S COLUMN |
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The views of
Chris do not necessarily match the views of The Higher Power, Jason. My my, once again we learn that without our favorite castaway, Survivor can still rock. Well... what am I saying – Johnny Fairplay is still our favorite castaway, but I’m referring to the rest of America. The marks, if you will. The ‘dumb’ fans... not the internet smarks like all of us. Call me crazy, but when all these crazy factions and stables start breaking up and turning on another, I can’t help but think back to good old post-Russo WCW. With these sudden, unpredictable changes, It seems like the survivors are taking their strategies to play the game from his strategies to book a RAW is WAR. Am I right, or what? The whole damn episode seemed to follow a Vince McMahon-like thought process, leading us in this crazy circle and then backing out a very interesting subplot just to disappoint.... So we start off our show with the new Wolfpack-like alliance of Fairplay and Burton (Hall and Nash) at the helm, Lillian the tag-along who’ll have to do what she’s told thanks to backstage politics (Sting) and Darrah and Tijuana – those who have nothing better to do with their characters (Konnan, Luger). Poor Christa and Sandra are tossed into the minority and are looking to be buried like the unfortunate side kicks they are. Basically now that Rupert Version 1.0 has moved to RAW (or perhaps the Jury), poor Crash and Moore are left to fend for themselves. Anyhoo–as is usually the case with these things, we’re immediately lead to belief that a turn in power is brewing... The Drake ladies get together and plan to take out their frustrations on poor Burton like Terri and Jacqueline on D-Lo Brown. But, just like P.M.S. (Which we all LOVED), this angle starts to fail right away. T & D get roped into turning on their former partners, and it seems like it’s curtains for Burton. He wins immunity, but he gets stripped of it on a technicality–now he knows how Chris Jericho must feel! At least they didn’t strike it from the records! Next thing we know, Suzy Lacks-Any-Personality-Even-When-Her-Boyfriend-Shows-Up snags immunity (Editor's note: I like Darrah) and we’re treated to a title reign sicker than Big Show taking the belt out from Rock/Triple H at Survivor Series...whenever it was. But I digress...back to the overall analogy of this column that I’m trying for. Just when we see a new stable forming, we see one quick scene of Johnny pulling a Jake Roberts asking them to "trust him". And next thing you know, the ENTIRE angle is scrapped, and Tiyuana (as Lil spells it) is sent packing. Looks like that stable was doomed to a quicker death than The Union. And after the huge shoot between Sandra/John, the two are best buds, closer than Jeff and Matt Hardy after their first, oh-so-successful break-up ("mah god, they’re on the same page!"). On the upper hand, looks like once again Fairplay and Burton Lesnar are here to stay. Unless PMS teams up to oust them, but I don’t see this happening. And might I gloat that we NAILED the theory on Fairplay’s big lie (Editor's note: The Higher Power must add that we didn't quite nail it. We assumed videos from home, rather than visitors). Sure, other people probably came up with the idea too after they saw the ‘grandmother of a lie’ clue in TV Guide, but us marks came up with it even before that! Next thing you know we’ll be calling a Chavo Guerrero turn on Eddie! NO ONE but us sees that coming! Maybe they could align themselves with John..after all, they lie, they cheat, they steal. Hell, I’d rather have Chavo in my corner than Lil any day. She’s about as over as Rosey in a singles match. Just be careful, Johnny – Paul Bearer lied about Kane’s dead parents, and he got his ass handed to him by scary-and-evil Undertaker–and back when he could move at full range!! My ‘mark out’ for this episode: Jon’s lie. He’s evil, horrendous and vile. But DAMMIT, he’s slick. I take my metaphorical hat off to you, Fairplay! Not only did he win the challenge thanks to it, but he got ahead in the game by swearing on his dead grandma. Brilliant. You had to love Probst’s reaction too... "I’m sure everyone’s VERY SORRY to hear that..." My ‘boooriing’ chant for this episode: The aftermath of the reward challenge. Sure, we got to see the brilliant swerve in action (haven’t seen the likes of that since Shane turned on...well maybe not). But we had no insight to what the rest of the tribe were doing (God forbid they show a SURVIVAL period on SURVIVOR). My ‘holy s***’ chant for this episode: Probst’s nice handling of the immunity situation. After hearing the ‘you f**ked up!’ chants ring throughout the Pearl Islands, we saw him fix things nicely and ensure fair accommodations to everyone. I guess another level of this ‘holy s***’ chant is that Darrah friggin’ won. Can you imagine her in the final two? Answering all those questions in that hideous accent? No one will know how to vote, because they can’t understand her damn answers!
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