"I
go by the moniker of Jonny Fairplay... I don't play fair." -
Jon Dalton
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Who is Jon Dalton, and why do we love him so much?  He
is a contestant on the Survivor: Pearl Islands. And like Ted Dibase,
we hope he ends up being the Million Dollar Man.Survivor Pearl Islands Website  His favorite TV shows are WWE Smackdown and Raw. Although I would venture to say, like everyone else, he thinks Raw sucks these days. WWE's Official Website  His
favorite publication is the fantastic Pro Wrestling Torch
Newsletter. I hear Jim Cornette is very passionate about The Torch too!Pro Wrestling Torch Website  He also used to be a part of Portland Organic Wrestling which seems to be some drugged out, fringe of society, nightmare version of 'real' wrestling. POW's Official Website  Jonnyboy used to work as a production assistant for the deranged whacko Rowdy Roddy Piper. Roddy Piper's Official Website  For news on Jon and the others, Survivor Fever is the undisputed champion. Only one complaint about the site: not enough Fairplay. Survivor Fever's Pearl Islands Website  For even more news on Fairplay and the others, Survivornews.net is just as good as survivorfever. The same complaint though: not enough Fairplay. Survivornews.net's Website  For
yet even more news on Jonny, Sir Linksalot is not to be outdone.
You'll find some other curtain jerker websites about Jon, but
remember: we are the main event.Sir Linksalot's Jon Dalton Links For
more info and insights into the amazing mind of Jon Dalton, check
out his bio at the official Pearl Islands webpage.Survivor Pearl Islands Website EMAIL US: jason@gatorclaw.com "The Jonny Fairplay Survivor Tracker" is not authorized or connected with CBS or their affiliates or sponsors. |
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12/07/03 CHRIS'S COLUMN |
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The views of
Chris do not necessarily match the views of The Higher Power, Jason. Another insane round of Survivor: Pearl Islands and we’re left with the final five. Thankfully, half of my worries are gone–we won’t have to listen to Christa’s nasal-infection voice at that final tribal council. But you know, I would have gladly placed her in the final two over Lil...or over Darrah...or over Sandra....hell, and over Burton as well. Of course, she would be sitting next to Fairplay – the winner of it all. What is UP with the lackluster players this time around? Jason, the owner of this site, said it best – why the hell is Sandra so damn popular? Every episode she gives us a mouth-full of assessments of other players. "Burton’s an ass, next time I get a chance to vote him out, he’s going home", "Jon’s CAN’T BE TRUSTED, girls, he’s going to vote you out next!". And she votes out Lil. Burton’s still charging forward, pissing off the critics who are condemning the Outcast return, and she’s stuck after the two of them turned on her. How much do you want to bet that she bitches out the two fellas for turning on her? I was rooting for Christa to HBK her Janetty ass and retire her (save for a lame-o intercontinental title run). The bottom line is...the marks are idiots. They love Sandra because she’s a little firecracker and speaks her mind. But they HATE Fairplay because he’s (just as much of) a jerk, but he owns up to it and USES it. Dammit, this is JUST how I feel when I see John Cena getting pushed but Steven Richards is still on Heat (note from The Higher Power: that's because Richards sucks). But then again I never go with what the PEOPLE want... I’m a huge A-Train mark, after all- the man has TALENT, people, REALIZE it! (another note from The Higher Power: why do I let this guy to a column?) Good gravy! Would you look at me with only half of my usual amount of wrestling references so far in my column? I went so far overboard last week that I must have emptied the tank. Let me put on a rest hold Yokozuna-style (nerve pinch!) and keep the match going for a bit while I regroup. I don’t want to quit this soon – I’m no Nathan Jones, after all. What was up with Sandra insulting Fairplay, claiming that he’s no bigger a challenge than a girl? Appearances aren’t everything, you know. The Genius was quite the eccentric fellow, but it’s the BRAINS that count, not the physical prowess. After all, Rico is pretty damn feminine and he came REALLY close to beating Val Venis a few weeks back on RAW! Val VENIS! Well it wasn’t really close at all...but he at least was ON RAW. Jackie’s nipple popped out, though, and that’s always worthwhile... come to think of it, there was a helluva lot of censoring going on this past episode. Darrah and Christa’s tops were so M.I.A. during that immunity challenge that I thought I was watching a WWE London-based pay-per-view. And that’s TWO showers that Darrah’s had on national tv. Watch out for Latino Heat, Darrah. Okay, so where do we go from here? Next week’s preview has Sandra (SURPRISE SURPRISE) mouthing off that they need to get rid of the men. And we see Fairplay stumbling around about 20 feet in the air like Jeff Hardy blowing a spot. Hope they don’t book a scaffold match. Personally I think a catch-the-midget match (thank god for RAW Roulette) would be quite fitting. My thoughts, you ask? Burton and Jonny ride on into the final two (especially since I see a triumphant Nailz return coming sooner than Sandra winning immunity) after ditching Sandra, then Darrah and poor Lil. Poor girl. All her gimmicks are floundering... the isolated Morgan mom, the boy-scout leader, the Outcast sentimental pick, the swing vote... she should call up Ed Leslie for some pointers. Maybe they could turn her into the Booty-Gal (but after watching her remove her pants for each challenge, I bet that’d go over as well as Leslie’s run). My mark-out moment for this episode: How they edited out Darrah even during the reward celebration. The girl wins her second challenge in a row and they STILL won’t allow her TV time. No complaints here. Just keep her top coming off like that in the challenges and we’re fine. My "boooring" chant for this episode: Gotta be the (yet another) swerve by our editors... we’re lead to believe Christa will turn on Sandra. She debates the entire episode, thinking we’re gonna see those two finally break up. But in the end, it’s all dropped faster than Beaver Cleavage. Didn’t I complain about that last time? They keep building up this angles that never play through! Guess they’re just doing their job. My ‘holy shit’ chant for this episode: Sandra’s fall during the reward challenge. I told ya–the chica can’t win a challenge to save her life. And BAM, she takes a blow to the chest that rivals the Banzai drop. At least HER top stayed on.
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